Red
by redonmyhead
Summary: When Lily Evans was younger, her life centered on her religious beliefs. As she goes into her seventh year, she tries to reconcile her upbringing with the teachings at Hogwarts, what she sees in the world, and her own thought and desires. When she does, maybe she will finally stop pushing James away and let herself fall.
1. A Quiet Night At Home

Lily Evans gazed out the window of the bedroom that she called home for the first eleven years of her life. Of course, she hadn't considered this house to be her real home for almost six years now. She watched as people she used to know so well walked down the street, watching as her neighbors nodded and exchanged pleasantries with each other. Growing up, she had felt like she fit in here. She received the classic pats on the head from her mom and dad's friends next door, and she played hopscotch and laughed with a neighborhood girl before she moved away. She even had a crush on the boy who lived in the yellow house across the street. The Evans family was always close to the Sommer family when she was growing up. Mrs. Sommer was a friend of her mother's, and Petunia was friends with the elder daughter, Lisa, and Lily was always pining after Jeffery, the youngest son. She smiled as she thought about her childhood crush. She could remember a time when she used to look out of the same window she was standing at now, just hoping to get a glimpse of Jeff playing outside of his house with his friends. Everything was different now that she spent most of her time at a school miles and miles away, immersed in a whole different world. In fact, she hadn't thought about Jeff or her crush on him in years. She fingered the cross that laid on a chain around her neck, thinking about how much her life had changed since she had found out that she was a witch.

There was evidence of this change visible all around her room. Her room, which was last painted when she was nine, was a pale pink. Her lace comforter was well-loved, and her lamp on her small nightstand was adorned with the image of a mermaid. Amongst this bubble gum-looking room, however, were scattered potion ingredients, textbooks, and chocolate frog wrappers. At the foot of her bed was a trunk that held all of her robes and other school supplies, and in the corner was an empty cage where her owl, Bert, usually rested. Now, though, he was off delivering replies to a few of her friends.

As she turned from the window, her gaze fell on the Bible underneath her bed. She shook her head, still wondering how she got lucky enough that her parents didn't throw her out of the house when her letter came. Religion was such a prime factor in their lives that, when she reflected on it now, it was shocking that they accepted her magic and didn't condemn her for it. In fact, they saw her magical abilities as a manifestation of a gift from God, and for that she was eternally grateful. The book, though, stared at her from its slightly dusty spot underneath the bed that was barely hers anymore. She grew up poring over every single solitary word printed in that book, hearing sermons on it every Sunday morning. She even listened to her parents and her sister discuss the Holy word over dinner every night. Somehow, all of that seemed like a different lifetime, almost like it happened to a different girl.

"Lily, Petunia!" her mother called out from downstairs. "Dinner is ready!"

Lily sighed and pushed her Bible further under the bed and out of sight. It wasn't that she didn't believe anymore, because she truly did, and she felt like she always would. She was just having trouble reconciling the lessons she was taught growing up with what she had experienced in real life, and with what she had been taught since she started attending Hogwarts. In fact, she couldn't even recall if anyone she knew at Hogwarts was religious in the same way she was.

As she shook herself out of her thoughts and walked out of the room, she bumped into a rather large figure coming out of the door across the hall. Stumbling backward, she focused in on the beefy face of the man who ran into her, and the too-skinny woman shuffling out behind him. One might have thought Lily was the larger one, considering the way Vernon's widened eyes and they way he backed into his much smaller fiance. No words were exchanged between Lily and the pair, but a severe glance from her sister and a petrified look from Vernon gave Lily a clear indication that just because her parents saw her abilities as a gift from God, it didn't mean that her sister and her God-fearing boyfriend felt the same way. In fact, she thought she saw Petunia clutch her own cross around her neck a little bit tighter, and Vernon clutch Petunia as they turned their noses up at her and headed downstairs. She shook her head and trailed after them, hoping that dinner went off with as little interaction with them as possible, but something told her it wouldn't be that simple.

Her suspicions were confirmed when the only seat open by the time she forced herself to go downstairs was next to her future brother-in-law. Her mother would be crushed if she knew how terribly her two daughters were getting along, so Lily did her best to smile and fake her way through the dinner conversation, most of which centered on her sister's upcoming nuptials. Lily knew, however, that the dinner was doomed when she and Vernon reached for the salt at the same time and almost touched hands. He jumped so hard his massive thighs hit the bottom of the table, knocking over everyone's glass in the process. Her father, a tall and imposing man with kind eyes, peered at her over the top of his glasses, and Lily could only look sheepishly at him and go back to eating her food, which was still less salty than she would've liked it. She should have known that her father, at least, would see through all of the unspoken tension at the dinner table. He always had an uncanny knack for seeing through what his daughters were covering up, even when they were young and it was just one of them had broken a vase or gotten into cookies before dinner.

Vernon kept looking over at Lily's hands as if any movement they made was lethal. He was aware of every twitch, every bite she took; he looked as if the devil himself had been seated at the dinner table next to him. Petunia, on the other hand, was completely unaware of her sister, her father, and even her fiance. At the present moment, as well as most moments, she was utterly focused on herself. "So, Mom, I've been thinking about the seating chart, because I simply cannot seat some of the family on your side next to Vernon's family, they would just embarrass me."

"Well, honey, I know you don't get along well with some of your cousins, but I'm sure they won't embarrass you. Everyone will be focused on you and not on any odd comments some of the guests make." Her mother placated.

"I guess that's true, I mean my dress is pretty stunning. So you're sure that cousin Carrie and cousin Sue aren't coming to the bridal shower tomorrow? I can take them at the wedding, but not at the shower when there isn't going to be many people to buffer." Petunia said, still a little ruffled.

Lily smiled as she looked down at her plate, as her mother continued. "Yes, my love, I am sure they aren't coming. You'll have a wonderful shower tomorrow."

"Well, good. Oh! And did I tell you I've finally settled on orange for the wedding color? I think it'll be just perfect for the venue. Just think of the orange flowers, the orange tablecloths, orange bridesmaid dresses…" Petunia rambled, constantly spewing out wedding plans to her ever-listening and doting mother.

"Are you sure you want orange, Petunia?" Their mother gently interrupted, setting her fork down and resting her hands in her lap to show her elder daughter she had the full attention she craved. "Don't you think that orange will clash with your sister's hair color?"

Lily, who was staring down at her plate, froze with wide eyes. Her mother looked around, not even knowing that the two sisters hadn't even imagined Lily involved with the wedding at all. Lily knew that only bad things could come out of her mother's well-meaning question, and she dared not even look at her sister. If she had, she would've seen Petunia's cheeks turning as red as the hair that fell across Lily's face, and her sister's mouth contorting and sputtering as she tried to find the words that would hurt Lily the most without getting her into trouble with their parents.

"Mother," Petunia finally managed to gasp out, her fiance turning a shade of purple beside her. "Whatever makes you think Lily will be in my wedding?"

"Well, I just assumed she would be, honey." Her mother said, chuckling a bit incredulously. "I mean, I didn't think it was a stretch to say that your own sister would be in your wedding. I think she and the rest of the bridesmaids might look better in green or even a dark blue, maybe?" She had gone back to eating, largely oblivious to the tension in the room.

Although it seemed impossible, Petunia's color darkened as she tried to find any words that would get her mother off her back and her sister out of her wedding party, "I- Well I mean yes, she's my sister… but I just don't think… Well what I mean to say is-"

"Why, I was under the impression she wouldn't be invited!" Vernon finally spat out, who was slowly turning back to his regular, pink skin color.

There was a beat, and then Lily's parents looked at each other with confusion. "I beg your pardon? What on earth do you mean by that?" Lily's father asked, looking across the table at his future son-in-law.

"Vernon, my dear, were you thinking that she would be at school still during the wedding date?" Lily's mother asked, her green eyes sparkling as she tried to be optimistic about Vernon's intentions.

"Well, no." Vernon said, becoming haughty at being misunderstood. "I meant that she wouldn't be allowed in the church." He looked around, encountered the silence he was met with, and continued. "Well I mean, what with her being what she is, I think it would be improper for her to be at such a holy even. Petunia should not have to go into the most important day of her life with such a dark stain in the church, let alone in the wedding party. I mean, what would the priest do if he found out that we had allowed, even encouraged, this sort of abomination to come to such a holy place of worship? It just wouldn't be right, I'm telling you."

The only sound audible after the conclusion of his speech was his own heavy breathing, unused to this sort of exertion and fervor in himself. Then, there was the clatter of Lily's father's fork hitting his plate. Lily quickly excused herself, almost running upstairs. She wanted to get out of there before the inevitable, hour-long argument started. She shut the door to her room, put a pillow on top of her head, and started to hum. She couldn't stand to hear her sister talk about her like she was some sort of freak; she should be used to it by now, but one never really got used to her past confidante and best friend speaking about her with such venom. Even with her pillow pressed hard against her cheek, she could still hear the high pitched frequencies of her sister's frenzied arguments, followed by her father's low, soothing voice and her mother's melodic pleadings. Then, there were no sounds but her own heartbeat in her ears. After some time, she felt the slamming of the front door beneath her room, indicating that Vernon had left for the night. Next, there was the vibrations of Petunia ascending the stairs and the door to her room closing with a sense of finality and separation.

Lily closed her eyes before she could cry. She thought about the time she spent with her sister when they were children. She thought about the time they would spend lying on the grass next to Petunia and gazing up at the sky, feeling the warmth of her sister's presence and the sunlight. She slowly opened her eyes to the darkness before rolling over in her bed and turning again to the window. The moon, which was gleaming through the curtains, made the days of playing with her sister and basking in her warmth seem as far away as the dusty Bible underneath her bed.


	2. Blast From Her Past

When Lily woke up the next morning, she didn't open her eyes right away. She preferred to leave them close and imagine that everything in her house was as peaceful as when she was a child. If she just closed her eyes and pretended hard enough, maybe the peace would move out from beyond her mind and into the house itself. On the other hand, if she didn't get up to go downstairs and help her mother prepare for Petunia's bridal shower, she would have to explain herself. After last night, she didn't want to set off any more arguments if she could help it. Her green eyes opened, eagerly awaiting when she would be able to be in her dorm at Hogwarts, free to be herself without being judged or having to walk on eggshells around anyone.

As she pulled on her clothes for the day, she looked out at the yellow house across the street. She stopped with only one arm in her shirt as she saw a car pull into the driveway of the house. A man with dark brown hair and tan skin stepped out, followed by a woman in a short skirt with long brown hair whose back was to Lily. Mrs. Sommer came out of the house to greet her children, the three of them smiling and laughing as they reunited. Lily smiled. She had always loved those neighbors, and it filled her with nostalgia to see Jeff. Lisa and Mrs. Sommer began making their way inside, and Jeff went to the trunk of the car to grab some bags. As he went to go inside, he turned to look up at the Evans house. His eyes made their way up to Lily's window. As he saw her there, his face split open into a wide grin, and his hand shot up in a wave. She chuckled and waved back, only then remembering that her shirt wasn't even completely on yet. She quickly yanked it on and looked back, but his back was already turned as he made his way into his house.

Lily felt warm and glowing inside for the first time since she had returned home. She tried to hold onto that feeling as she went downstairs, not quite sure if she was ready to face Petunia again. Upon entering the living room, she saw Petunia doing her makeup and eyeing her in her mirror as she walked in. Their mother was standing on a chair, hanging a banner and little wedding bells around the room while Petunia got ready. She looked over at Lily as she walked in and smiled.

"Good morning sleepyhead! How'd you sleep last night?" Her mother asked, still decorating.

"Pretty well, actually. How's the decorating going?" Lily answered, picking up a package of balloons that needed to be blown up.

"Great! We're almost ready. Mrs. Sommer is bringing some things over for the shower in about an hour, and she and Lisa are going to help with the food. Will you help me finish up before they get here?"

"Of course!" Lily answered, already starting to blow up the balloons. She looked to her sister, and a little timidly asked, "Are you excited, Petunia? It looks great in here, I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful party."

Petunia stiffened a little, and then continued to do her makeup. "It'll be fine," she said, back straight as a board, "As long as you stay to yourself and don't bother my friends." Then, after seeing the look her mother shot her, she added, "Please?"

"Don't worry. I will keep to myself. I'll just talk to mom and Mrs. Sommer." She weakly smiled at her sister, trying to rekindle some sisterly bond, or at least keep the peace. But her sister had already gone on to doing her hair, not even looking at Lily in her mirror anymore.

Lily stayed quiet the rest of the hour as Petunia and their mother chatted about random things. Pretty soon, though, the entire room was decorated to perfection. Even Petunia seemed pleased with the beauty they managed to put into the little room. The three stood together and admired the room, the two girls on either side of their mother. For a moment, it felt a little bit like when Lily was young. Then, a knock on the door.

Lily's mom walked over to answer it, leaving her two daughters standing awkwardly near each other. For a few seconds while her mother greeted Mrs. Sommer and her daughter, Lily and Petunia stood next to each other without any animosity, but without any idea of how to interact with each other with how their relationship had been going in recent years. They were saved, however, by Mrs. Sommer and Lisa finally entering the room.

Ava Sommer, a plump woman with brown skin and short, curly, black hair, promptly swept the Evans daughters up in her arms. She chuckled and squeezed them tightly, then backing up to look at them. "Look at how you two have grown! You're both beautiful young women now! I remember you girls and Lisa playing when you were just little ones… Of course you know that though. Besides, we aren't here to reminisce. We're here to celebrate you and your wonderful fiance declaring your love before God, right?" She smiled as she looked at the two girls, regarding them as if they were her own two daughters.

Petunia beamed as Mrs. Sommer talked, loving to be the center of attention; she especially loved being given attention from Mrs. Sommer, who always complimented her and would talk religion with her as long as Petunia wanted to. "You're right, Mrs. Sommer. Thank you so much for coming today. And for helping with food! We really couldn't have done with help from you and… Lisa." The last word had noticeably more distaste than the rest of Petunia's speech, and Lily followed Petunia's gaze to where Lisa stood in the corner of the room. Lisa Sommer had always been beautiful, and the day of Petunia's bridal shower was no different. Her long brown hair, which was curly like her mother's, trailed down her back. Her brown eyes glinted, and her tall, thick body seemed comfortable and at ease everywhere she went. Lily guessed, however, that the distaste came at Lisa's outfit. Because of her mini skirt, the majority of her long brown legs were completely visible, and her halter top bared her shoulders and arms. She seemed to be dressed appropriately for the summer weather, but Petunia, with her knee-length dress and cardigan, definitely preferred a more modest look.

Lisa didn't seem to notice Petunia's disapproval, walking right over to her childhood friend and embracing her. "Petunia, it's so good to see you! I can't believe you're getting married." Lisa pulled back to look at Petunia. "Are you so excited? Sorry, I know I'm talking a mile a minute but I'm just so happy for you!" Her enthusiasm was infectious, and Petunia began smiling in spite of herself.

"Oh, I'm so excited I can barely hold it in." Petunia said, letting out a huge breath of air. "Thank you so much for coming and for helping us out."

Lisa waved her thanks away and said, "It's no problem at all. We wouldn't miss the wedding festivities for the world!"

"Follow me into the kitchen, everyone!" Lily's mother said, waving the women towards the doorway, "We have a lot to pull together before the rest of the guests get here in…" She looked at the clock on the wall and walked even faster. "In only an hour! We've got to get going."

Everyone filed in after Lily's mother, with Lily taking up the rear. Just as she was about to disappear into the kitchen, there was a knock on the front door. "I'll get it!" She called through the doorway, turning back to go through the living room to answer the door. She opened it, and broke out into a huge grin.

"Jeff!" She enveloped him in a hug, thinking about how her childhood self would have died if she would have known Jeffery Sommer would knock on her door and hug her one day. "It's been so long! How have you been?"

Jeff squeezed Lily back before pulling away. "I've been good! Just working and finishing up school back in the spring. I'm like a real adult now." He replied, laughing. "What about you?"

"I've been good! Enjoying my last summer as a… fake adult?" Seeing his bemused face, she added, "Well, I'll only be at school one more year, so this is my last one that's worry-free I guess."

He chuckled and said, "I get what you're saying, Lils. I can't believe you're getting so old! I remember when you were just Petunia's kid sister who would stare out your window all the time… Not unlike today, I must add. Although it was a little more risque than when we were kids."

"Hey, I was getting dressed, and you were the one staring in my window like a peeping tom!" Lily giggled at him, and when he opened his mouth to defend his honor, she added, "I'm only teasing. I know I was the one standing at my window half naked. I was just distracted by you being here, I guess… speaking of which, what are you doing here? At my house, I mean."

"Oh, right. I'm dropping off some presents and some more food for the shower party today. My mom and Lisa couldn't carry over everything. As per usual, they go a little carried away when they were shopping." Jeff said, moving his brown hair out of his eyes and gesturing to a small pile of stuff behind him.

"That's so sweet of them!" Lily exclaimed, moving towards the parcels on the porch. She shot him a winning smile, "Help me take these into the house?"

He grinned and handed her half of the stuff, and together they made quick work of transporting everything into the house. After all the parcels were in, they regarded each other the way that people who knew each other in their youth did when coming across each other again when they grew up. She saw his stubble, his muscles, and even marveled at how his voice had deepened, all of which let her know that he was no longer the boy she had a crush on when she was a child. Interestingly enough, though, she was more attracted to him now than she ever had been in her youth. She remembered how it felt when he hugged her when he first came to the door, and had a strong urge to be in his arms again. She shook her head a little, trying to shake away what were decidedly impure thoughts. When she looked into his darkened eyes, though, she could tell she wasn't the only one having impure thoughts.

"You should probably go," Lily blurted out, feeling the need to break the tension between them. "I mean, this bridal shower is going to be starting pretty soon, and it's women only. If you're still here when the party starts, Petunia might go a little crazy on you."

"Yeah, I've never been too keen on having Petunia after me, and something tells me that her becoming a bride hasn't made that experience any more pleasant." Jeff said, running his fingers through his hair. He began towards the door, Lily following closely behind him. In fact, she was so close that when he opened the door and turned around to say goodbye, their bodies were almost pressed against each other. She inhaled sharply, and then held it as they looked at each other. They hugged one last time, lingering a little longer than either of their mothers would have found appropriate. When he walked out the door and back to his house, she watched his back until he disappeared inside his house. Lily paused for another moment, staring at his house, and then finally closed the door and broke the trance that touching Jeff had put her in.

She turned to go back into the kitchen, but as she was passing the stairs she heard Bert, her owl, tapping at her window in her bedroom. Not wanting to upset Petunia with a reminder of how odd she was, she rushed up the stairs to let Bert in before he made too much of a ruckus. She was pleasantly surprised to see that he had not one, but two replies from her friends with him, as well as her school letters. Deciding that she really should go downstairs and help with the preparations for the bridal shower before it began, she quickly gave Bert a few treats and pets before setting the letters on her night stand before going back down the stairs, grabbing the food Jeff had dropped off, and finally making her way into the kitchen.

"Where have you been, Lily?" Mrs. Sommer asked, her and Lisa in the middle of making large amounts of finger sandwiches. Petunia glanced over while continuing to wash dishes, her look suggesting that she wasn't surprise that Lily hadn't been pulling her weight in terms of preparation.

"Sorry, everyone. I was catching up with Jeff for a little bit when he dropped off the things you asked him to, Mrs. Sommer." Lily thought she saw the two mothers exchange a knowing look when she mentioned Jeff, but she chose to ignore it and continue. "I come bearing food! What else needs to be done?"

"Well, why don't you three girls keep working on the sandwiches, and Ava and I will work on the cake and placing stuff out in the living room." Mrs. Evans said, probably wanting the three girls to catch up and remember how well they used to get along with each other.

"Sure, Mrs. Evans, that sounds fine." Lisa said, already moving on to the next batch of sandwiches. Not wanting to seem like she wasn't helping, Lily quickly sat down at the table next to her. Petunia shortly followed, and soon she and Lisa were chatting about this and that as they worked. Lily stayed quiet, choosing to listen instead of joining in on the discussion.

"Hey are you going to take that other ring off too?" Lisa asked Petunia, gesturing at the plain band that was still on her left ring finger. Her engagement ring sat in a ring holder on the counter.

"Oh no." Petunia replied rather dramatically. "I won't take that off until I get married. I haven't taken it off since I was 13 and my parents gave it to me."

"What?" Lisa replied, a little entertained, but mostly confused. "You haven't taken that ring off in what, seven years? Not even when you shower or anything? Why?"

"Well, it's not just any ring, Lisa. It's a promise ring? Like I said, my parents gave it to me as a reminder that I am always saving my purity for my future husband. It's a promise to them and God." She smiled. "I'll take it off after Vernon and I are finally married. I will never before I am married because just like my love for God, my dedication to keeping myself pure is constant." She paused for a moment, then added. "Lily has one too."

Lily looked up, not remembering the last time Petunia had said her name. All three girls looked down at Lily's hands, which were paused in the middle of making a sandwich. Sure enough, on her left ring finger glinted a plain silver band, indicating her promise to be a virgin until she was married. She smiled a little, and said, "Yeah, it's exactly what Petunia said. I'm surprised you don't have one, Lisa. Your family always went to the same church as ours. It seems like your mom would've given you one when you were younger."

Lisa nodded. "We talked about it, but I didn't want a ring. I was a little nervous about having a piece of jewelry that proclaimed something about my sex life to everyone when I was younger. It seemed so embarrassing at the time."

"Well, it's not too late to get one!" Petunia said, getting excited. "I'd go with you to pick one out sometime! I mean, you're older now, and you know it's silly to get embarrassed of your relationship with God."

Lisa began to blush. "Oh Petunia, that's so sweet of you… It's just that… Well, I mean it's actually a little too late for that." Petunia paled, looking shocked that she knew someone who had premarital sex. Even Lily looked surprised, as she had pegged Lisa for the kind of person that would follow all the religious lessons they were taught, especially saving sex for the wedding bed. Lisa focused all of her attention on making sandwiches, clearly supremely embarrassed at the two girl's faces.

To Lily's great surprise, it was Petunia who finally broke the uncomfortable silence. "Lisa…" She said gently, "God still loves you. All you can do is try and follow his word to the best of your ability. But no one is perfect." Lisa and Lily looked at her with almost alarmed faces. "But you really should recommit yourself to God, and stop any and all premarital sex." She finished, going back to making sandwiches.

Lisa and Lily exchanged amused glances. That was the Petunia they expected. "I'll keep that in mind, Petunia. Thanks."

Petunia looked as if she had completely moved on from the subject. "No problem. Well, we're all done in here. I wonder how our mothers are doing out there."

On cue, the two mothers walked back into the kitchen, laughing and reminiscing. "How's it going in here? It's just about time for the party to start" Mrs. Somer asked, still laughing a bit from whatever Mrs. Evans had said to her before they entered.

"Yeah, we're done." Lisa said quickly, wanting to speak first just in case one of the Evans girls wanted to make a comment about what they had been talking about moments ago. "I'd say it's about showtime."

The women all made sounds of agreement, and made their way into the living room to sit and catch up a little before a wave of guests showed up. Lily lingered in the kitchen, a little sad that her sister didn't want her interacting with basically anyone the whole party. It was hard to know that she'd have to be a wallflower for her sister's sake. "Yeah." She said to an empty room. "It's showtime, alright."


	3. Letters and a Sisterly Talk

The next few days after Petunia's bridal shower were a blur to Lily. They involved her socializing, but keeping it to an absolute minimum as to keep Petunia happy. They involved her making table decorations, running countless errands, and greeting and cleaning and cooking for all the family members coming to the Evans household right before the wedding. As she walked into her bedroom the night before the wedding, she felt like a zombie. An unbelievably sore and tired zombie. But she felt accomplished, and she and Petunia had had almost no run ins since the dinner with Vernon before the bridal shower. Even her mother had noticed that he girls were "getting along better," as she put it; little did Lily's mother know that what she called "getting along better" mostly meant not talking at all.

Lily flopped down on her bed. Even though she had actually had a pretty good couple of days, Lily was ultimately ready for the wedding to be over tomorrow. She looked to her right and saw the letters on her night stand, untouched. In all of the craziness, she had completely forgot about them. Lily quickly sat up in her bed and quickly grabbed the letter on top, unable to believe she had left them there for so long. The first one was from Emmeline Vance, her best friend. She knew Emmeline was going to be furious with her that she didn't already receive a reply. Lily tore the letter open, beyond excited to see what her best friend had to say.

 _Lily,_

 _My summer is going great, thank you for asking. It'd be better if you had come to mine like I asked you to, but whatever. I already know what you're going to say- I get you need to be with your sister, yada yada yada. I just miss you! I've had to spend the whole summer with James and Sirius, because they're the only tolerable people close to me. Sometimes Remus and Peter come over to James' place, but only he and Sirius have been with me basically every day. I know James isn't your favorite person in the world, but he has been too awesome the past few months. He just took Sirius in, no questions asked. Plus, he was there for me when Chad broke up with me at the beginning of the summer. I can't believe he really broke up with ME. I can't believe I spent three years with that piece of... Well. You know. It's so weird that he and I used to talk every day, and I haven't spoken to him in months. I used to tell him everything! I kinda had a hard time with it at first because I process the difference. Okay, this is getting a little weepy and angsty. I really am over him… mostly. I'm definitely doing better than I was last time I saw you, so don't even worry about me. The sex wasn't even that good with him, so that makes it easier to let go. Anyway, Sirius has been helping me out too, but they're boys, and I know they are doing a shit job compared to what my Lily would do. I can't wait til we are back in our dorm, and we can veg out in our pajamas and cry over boys like I wish we could have done all summer. Anyway, hopefully your sister isn't being too mean to you! Tell me any and all horror stories. I can't wait to see you. I love you! Just write back to me as soon as possible._

 _Love always,_

 _Emmeline_

 _PS I hope you know the extreme discomfort I went through to write this letter to you. Sirius and James have not stopped bothering me since I wrote your name at the top of the page. They say hi._

Lily smiled, imagining James and Sirius trying to get Emmeline to say what they wanted her to say when she was just trying to write her own letter. Her fingers gently traced Emmeline's name, only just realizing how much she had missed her best friend when imagining how much easier the summer would have been with her. She set that one aside, and picked up the next letter. She was a little surprised to see that it was from Sirius, and opened it with a smile, already shaking her head at what was sure to be ridiculous content.

 _My dearest Lily,_

 _James and I- well it was mostly me but he's here too- decided that if Em wasn't going to include our messages to you in her reply, we would just have to write a letter to you ourselves. We hope you are doing well, and you'll be happy to know we are taking great care of Emmeline. James me to write that he wishes you were here, but he's happy that he gets to see you soon. I will be happy to be home at Hogwarts soon enough, as I'm sure you understand. We are all counting the days til we can be together again. The girls of Hogwarts are counting the days til they can be reunited with my beautiful self again. You know what, I think if you keep this letter, you could probably get a few galleons for it. My back to school gift to you is the signature at the bottom of the page, sweet Lily. I'll even kiss where I sign my name. Treasure it always._

 _Love,_

 _Sirius Black_

 _ **And James**_

Lily smiled down at the totally unnecessary letter, feeling very appreciated and loved at that moment. She chucked a little at the fact that James felt that he had to sign his own name at the bottom, even though Sirius had written the letter. Although it was a surprise even to her sometimes, she and Sirius had become rather good friends after last term. They had been assigned to be partners in their Potions class, and had been a very successful, although unlikely, team. She had grown to tolerate and even find humor in his crudeness and delinquent ways. She set that letter down and picked up the letters from Hogwarts. The first one was the typical letter, detailing her necessary supplies and all of that information, but the second one, which was a little heavier, was of more interest to her. Trying not to get her hopes up too high, she carefully opened the letter.

When she saw what was inside, she softly squealed, feeling suddenly very alert. Out of the envelope slid a badge with the most beautiful two words printed on it- "Head Girl." She had so hoped she would get this, and it just validated all of her hard work at Hogwarts. Lily barely even bothered to read the letter that came with the badge, instead running her index finger over the grooves and letters. She felt a surge of responsibility, and determination to be better than any Head Girl before her. She set all of the letters on her night stand, and placed the coveted badge on top, with the words facing towards her bed. Deciding that she would respond to her friends the next day, she turned off her light and settled into her bed, feeling more content than she thought she would be at home.

Sleep felt so close, but in the silence she heard something coming from Petunia's room across the hall. Sitting up, she listened in the darkness. She heard the noise again, this time recognizing it as her sister crying. She had certainly heard her sister crying in her room enough time over the years to be familiar with the noises that she made while doing so. She laid her head back on the pillow, pondering what would be the best course of action. If she walked into her sister's room, uninvited, she ran a high risk of being screamed at. This seemed especially likely considering it was the night before her wedding and Petunia was very likely in a mood. Lily listened to another round of sobs before getting up in her bed and putting on her slippers to walk over to her sister's room. She couldn't bear to think that her sister was crying all alone. It would be better for her sister to throw her out of her room and be angry with her, but at least know that Lily still cared about her.

When she was out in the hall, though, Lily had a moment of doubt. In that moment, she felt like her sister was a stranger. Reaching out to her felt as foreign as reaching out to a complete stranger. She closed her eyes and sighed, and then forced her feet to walk over to Petunia's door. Her knock was quiet, but firm.

"Come in." Petunia's voice was quiet and small, qualities it usually didn't possess. Lily breathed in, and with one final movement she was inside her sister's room for the first time in years.

Unlike Lily's room, which had more or less stayed the same over the past few years, Petunia's room had changed completely. Gone were all of the girlish things she had painstakingly picked out when they had redone their rooms when Lily was 9. Instead, it was replaced with more chic, sophisticated furnishings and decorations. In fact, the only thing that was the same was the cross that hung over the head of Petunia's bed. And, of course, Petunia herself. She sat underneath the cross, looking younger than Lily had seen her look in years. Her eyes were puffy and red from the crying, and her knees were pulled to her chest by her skinny arms.

"Hey, are you alright?" Lily asked, a little hesitant. Petunia's face hardened a little, but her head never raised.

"I'm fine. I'm sure this is enjoyable for you, so drink it all in. Get a good look, and then get out." Petunia said, somehow managing to look high and mighty with red eyes and a dripping nose.

"No, that's not why I came in here, I swear. I just wanted to- I thought maybe I could help." Petunia's face stayed stony. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Tuney. I hope you're okay." At the mention of her childhood nickname, Petunia's demeanor softened greatly. Lily, unaware of the change in her sister's attitude, had already turned towards the door.

"Wait!" Petunia said, barely audible. Lily's head snapped towards her sister, unable to believe her own ears. "... You can stay, if you want." Lily slowly walked over to her sister's bed, sitting down on it cautiously, as if she was sitting down next to an animal that might decide to bite her any minute. "It's nothing." She said, clearly perturbed. Lily was silent, staring at her lap and waiting to see if Petunia wanted to reveal any more. "I love him. I really do." More silence. "It's just…I can't believe that my wedding is tomorrow. It's never seemed real, even with the proposal and all the planning. I've been dreaming of this day ever since I was a little girl. But that's what scares me. I've been dreaming of tomorrow for so long, I feel like it can't live up to the dream of it in my head. But it's more than tomorrow. It's about the marriage portion. It's a forever decision. Some part of me is just scared that I will change my mind in a few years. Then I'll be… Stuck. Because I couldn't leave him! If I did, I'd be tainted, damaged goods. What if I regret it?" Petunia stopped suddenly, out of breath and a little surprised she had said so much.

Lily let out the breath she had been holding, and decided to go for it and tell Petunia what she thought she should hear, even if she would be mad to hear it from Lily. "You and Vernon are perfect for each other. You know you'll be happy with him. And if something crazy and unforeseeable happens, you won't be damaged goods. You'll figure it out. About tomorrow… Well, just try and remember that tomorrow is going to be one of the best days of your life, and it'll just be the beginning of a whole lifetime of happiness. You have been planning and preparing for this for months, and it's going to go over perfectly. Pretty soon you guys will have your own family, and you'll look back on how uncertain you felt tonight and laugh." She stopped, unsure if she should have said that much.

Lily didn't even dare to look at Petunia, afraid of what she might see on her face. After a moment, though, she felt Petunia's hand tentatively rest on top of hers, and then squeeze. They stayed that way for a moment, not looking at each other or saying a word. For a moment, they were just two sisters again. Then Petunia removed her hand, and Lily could feel that their moment as sisters had ended. She nodded slightly and got up, feeling a little bittersweet about what had just transpired.

As she was walking out of the room, she heard Petunia softly say, "Thank you, Lils." so softly that Lily thought she might have imagined it. She paused for a second at the threshold of Petunia's room, and then returned to her room, tired but satisfied.


	4. Wedding Prep and Sex Talk

Lily's eyes shot awake the morning of Petunia's wedding, and she was in such a deep state of sleep that it took her a couple seconds to realize that she was being shaken. Her eyes focused, and her mother's face came into view.

"Rise and shine, my love!" Mrs. Evans said, walking away from the bed and opening the curtains. Just when Lily was happy to not be shaken anymore, blinding light filled her room.

"Mom!" She said, covering her eyes and rolling over. She pulled the covers over her head, not ready to accept that it was time to wake up yet. She had always hated being woken up by other people, even when she was little. "No, just leave me alone," She pleaded as her mother began pulling her covers off.

"Oh Lily, you were always so dramatic and hard to wake up." Her mother said, chuckling. "It's the big day, though, remember? You told me you were going to help me get everything ready? You just know that as soon as you actually get up you'll be happier."

"Is Petunia awake?" Lily asked, her voice muffled by the covers she still had over her head.

"No, she isn't." At Lily's sounds of protest, she added, "It's her wedding day, so she needs all the sleep she can get. When you get married, you can sleep until noon if you want. Plus, you think I want to wake her up? She's just as bad as you are."

With a flourish, Lily yanked the covers off her face. "Fine," she said, "I'll get up. But only because I love you and don't want you to suffer alone. So what is our list looking like? No, wait… Don't tell me how long it is. What's first on the agenda?" She said while getting out of her bed and pulling on a robe. She didn't see the point of getting dressed when she was going to have to get all done up for the wedding in a few hours, anyway.

"Well, first of all, we need to iron all the suits and dresses, including Petunia's. Don't worry," Mrs. Evans added, after seeing Lily's petrified face, "I will be in charge of ironing her wedding dress, I wouldn't dare put that on you. Once that is done, it's mostly going to kitchen time for us, and then getting ready so we can help Petunia get ready. Her bridesmaids will be getting here around 11, and they should all be ready and then able to help us. And then we have to get to the venue, and it'll be our job to socialize with our side especially." She turned to leave, already getting flustered at the enormity of the day ahead.

The doorbell rang, and Lily shot a confused look at her mother, and then at the clock, which only read 8. "Oh, I guess I left that part out. Mrs. Sommer and the kids are coming over to help us."

"Of course they are! They always help," Lily said, laughing a little. Then, she stopped. "Wait, did you say kids? As in Lisa and Jeff?" She looked down at her fluffy robe, suddenly rethinking her earlier sentiment about getting dressed up.

Her mother shook her head and smiled knowingly as she walked towards the stairs, going to answer the door. "Yes, dear, Jeff included."

"I didn't mean anything by that!" Lily called after her, pulling on jeans and a t-shirt, thinking that at least was better than her fluffy robe. "I was just wondering!" Her mother didn't turn, but Lily could tell that she was amused at her denial as she disappeared down the stairs.

Lily, muttering to herself, waited a few moments before heading down the stairs after her, not wanting to see desperate by running down right after he arrived. She shook her head after thinking that, deciding that she didn't care what anyone thought because she didn't like him anyway… Well not like that. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then went downstairs, trying her best to appear nonchalant. She apparently hadn't taken that long with her internal debate, as her mother was still greeting the Sommers family at the foot of the stairs. She hugged and greeted them too, trying not to focus on how long her and Jeff's hug was and if anyone else noticed how it affected her. Lily couldn't even meet Jeff's eyes, feeling embarrassed that people might be able to guess her feelings.

Everyone else, however, seemed unaware of her internal struggle. They all talked and laughed and reminisced about Petunia as a child, excited for her big day. Eventually, the Sommers and Mrs. Evans adjourned to the kitchen, and Lily went to set up the iron to get started on all of the bridesmaids dresses. Lily started to iron, finding peace in the mindless task. After she finished a few of the suits, however, she felt soft footsteps coming toward the room, indicating someone's presence. She looked up, a little surprised to see Jeff standing in the doorway to the laundry room. "Oh hey," she said, a little more calm now that they weren't being watched by others. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, our mothers and Lisa started to talk about babies, and I just figured I could give you some company and save myself from joining in that conversation in one fell swoop." He said, pushing himself up onto the dryer.

"I see." Lily said, shaking her head and giggling. She went back to her ironing, glad he was there but aware of the amount she still had to go. They fell into silence for a few minutes, her ironing and him watching her with intrigued eyes. Then, "Do you have something against kids?"

"What? No!" He said, feigning offense. "First of all, I feel uncomfortable whenever they talk about babies right now because they're always talking about your sister and Vernon having sex, which I am fine with not imagining. Secondly, I hate the looks they give me. It's like they're on the prowl, waiting to set me up and marry me off so I can produce offspring they can spoil. Plus, I hate to associate sex with babies at this point in my life, if I'm being completely honest." He said, chuckling a little.

"Oh." Lily said, catching something in the way he said that last sentence that indicated that he was indeed having sex. "Yeah I can see that thinking about it that way might take the fun out of it… I guess." She went back to trying to focus harder on her ironing, suddenly uncomfortable thinking about Jeff's hands on another girl's body. "I wouldn't really know anything about that."

"No?" He said, looking fairly shocked. "You're at a coed boarding school right?" At her confirming nod, he looked even more confused. "You're telling me that you've been away from your mother, with your own space, surrounded by boys, and you have never done anything in the realm of… Sex, for a better way to phrase it?"

"No! I mean… I haven't even been kissed, okay?" He look surprised at that bit of information especially. "It's not like I went to boarding school and forgot about how I was supposed to act! I should be the one that's surprised that you have! We went to the same church! Your mom is just like my mom. I don't understand how you and Lisa both have… Well you know. Petunia and my mom would die if I ever did anything like that. I just can't even imagine doing anything like that outside of marriage. Actually, I can't even imagine losing my virginity at all, if I'm being honest."

"I mean… Yeah. I used to think like that when I was younger. And… Well stop me if this is too much information okay?" Lily nodded, eager to hear what he had to say. "I lost my virginity when I was 15. It's not as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be, I promise. It's fun! It's not just like a holy thing that's just to make babies. It's chemical.. Or biological or something like that. Not that it's not special!" He added, looking at her slightly disgusted face. "It's hard to explain. Are you… Are you saving your first kiss till your wedding day like Petunia is?"

"No, I don't think so." She said, "That's a little too extreme for me. It just hasn't happened for me yet. I would want it to, though." She said, not even daring to get her hopes up that he would take the opportunity she was trying to give him to be her first kiss.

"I think that's a better idea, if I'm being honest with you." He paused, "You know, I usually am very honest with you. It's just that I've thought I liked a girl before, and then I realized we didn't have the physical connection. I just can't imagine committing to someone for your whole life without at least kissing them! Plus your first kiss will probably be pretty embarrassing if it was anything like mine," he said, laughing a little. "I would have died if that was in front of anyone."

Lily was still a little uncomfortable, so she changed the topic, instead choosing to talk about what Jeff thought about Vernon as husband material. He did an almost too good impression of Vernon's laugh, and coupled with Lily's impression of Petunia's horse laugh, the two were laughing so hard she could barely see the clothes well enough to iron them. It took longer than it should have, but eventually she finished everything but Petunia's dress, which she didn't even trust herself to look at. She stopped laughing long enough to listen to see if they were done in the kitchen yet, but she still heard them laughing and talking away, so she figured she still had a little more time to relax before she had to put up her facade in front of the bridesmaids, and then all of the wedding guests. She pushed herself up to sit on the washer, just to the right of Jeff. Lily's legs bounced for a moment after she got up, her feet tapping his gently. They looked at each other and smiled softly. She looked at her knees and thought about how easily her crush on him had developed again. There was something about how he looked, his personality, and the nostalgia that accompanied a childhood crush that made her sudden feelings so intense. She snuck a look at his mop of brown curls, all of them perfect. His skin was smooth and beautiful, and he was always so kind and had the best sense of humor. When she sat this close to him, she could understand why someone would want to take that next step with him, even if they weren't married. He was attractive, but even more, he was understanding and sensitive to how people were feeling.

"Can I ask you something, Jeff?" She said, interrupting the silence they had been sharing. "It's kind of personal, so you can choose not to answer it if you don't want to."

"Yeah, of course. I've always been honest with you, haven't I?" He said, pushing a bit of hair out of his face and turning his body so that he was facing her completely.

"Yeah, that's true." She said with a smile, remembering how he had told her a haircut she had gotten in the summer between third and fourth year was ugly. Looking back, he was right. He didn't want her to go back to her "fancy boarding school" with a haircut that might get her teased. "How many girls have you had sex with?" She blurted out, saying it before she could really think about the question.

"Huh. You managed to surprise me, Lils. I didn't get the feeling that you'd want to talk about it with me any more. I thought I might have offended you or something, actually." He said, eyebrows raised.

"I mean, it didn't offend me." Lily waved her hand, dismissing that idea immediately. "I just was caught off guard, I think. I know a lot of people who've had premarital sex, and I don't think less of them or anything. I had just separated those people in my mind from people like you and me, I guess. But no, not offended at all. And I get if you don't want to talk about it, but I won't judge you I promise. I'm just curious."

"Okay, it won't bother me to talk about as long as it won't bother you." He took a breath before beginning, seeming to wonder how much he should say, what kind of details to tell Lily that wouldn't make her think less of him. "I have had sex with two girls. One of them, the first one I should say, was Beth, of course." Lily nodded. He and Beth had been together since they were 13 until the prior Christmas. They had all hung out varying amounts every summer and Christmas break, until this past Christmas break when Lily came home and found out they had broken up after three and a half years together. "It just felt right after a while. Natural, I guess. We were 15, which now seems really young, but I felt so grown up at the time. It created so many issues between us at first, because it heightened all the feelings we were feeling, so I thought maybe everyone was right about waiting. Then it just became an aspect of our relationship, not a defining point.. If that makes any sense." Lily nodded, surprised she actually understood his reasoning. "Anyway, after we broke up I was feeling a little down and stupid, I guess. I ended up sleeping with this girl from my school. I don't really regret it, but I think my head was in the wrong place at the time." He finished, indicating so by shrugging his shoulders and giving her a half-smile.

"Huh." Lily said, still thinking. "It seems like less when you go through them. When you said two it felt like a lot but it's really not, I guess…"

"Yeah I get what you mean." He said, seeming to be lost in his memory a little. Then, he looked up at her, directly into her eyes. "I'm really glad you don't think less of me. I… Well, it matters to me what you think."

As he finished that sentence, the pair were left with nothing but silence and complete eye contact. Lily could've sworn that he leaned in ever so slightly, but the sound of laughter grew louder, and her head turned towards the door to the laundry room as her mother appeared. She looked over with knowing eyes at the pair, who both realized that they were a little closer together than they'd prefer Lily's mother to see them. They both hopped down off of their respective appliances like nothing had happened, because nothing had really happened. Or so they kept repeating to themselves.

"If you two are done in here," Lily's mother said, eyes twinkling and mouth twitching, "We could use your help in the kitchen. Oh, Lily the bridesmaids are here, and Petunia is awake, so they'll be needing these dresses in a few minutes. Would you mind running them up to her room and then coming back down?"

Lily's face looked pained, but she did as instructed and grabbed the dresses. As she made her way up the stairs, she heard the tittering and laughter floating out of the ajar door, which indicated the presence of Petunia's bridesmaids. She knocked slightly before slipping in and handing the dresses off to one of the women she had seen around her house a few times. Petunia, who was completely ready save for her dress, was seated with her back to the door at her vanity. Her eyes were down, and she seemed introspective. Suddenly, she looked up, making eye contact with Lily in the mirror. After a few beats, she smiled softly. Lily smiled back, and for a moment she thought about going further into the room and helping her sister into her dress, but then the moment was over and Petunia's face turned back into the one Lily had grown used to since she received her Hogwarts letter. Lily faltered and slipped suddenly from the room, shaking her head that she had thought things would ever be like they were.


	5. The Wedding and a Kiss

"When do you think she'll do the bouquet toss?" "Did you see her veil? It was gorgeous." "Yeah, the sister is definitely off her rocker…" "I think she heard me talk about my wedding and then copied my ideas, I swear!" "Vernon's a lucky man… Who'd have thought he'd get a girl who didn't resemble a whale?" "I wish I was getting married…" "Yeah, didn't you hear? Her sister, the redhead right there? Some kind of psychopath."

As Lily milled about the reception hall, she was overwhelmed with the petty comments everyone made. She wondered why they had to bring her hair color into a mean comment about her, but that was the only thing that bothered her about being talked about anymore. She could hardly bring herself to listen to what all of these random muggles thought, let alone get worked up about what they were saying. She made her way to her table and sat, facing towards the dance floor.

It was at that precise moment that a slow song started up. Petunia and Vernon had not stopped dancing for quite a few songs, and as Lily looked at them she felt a pang of sadness inside. It hit her that her sister, the one she grew up with, was really gone. Even if they somehow, miraculously made up, it would never be like it was when they were children. A tap on her shoulder disrupted her melancholy thoughts.

She turned, and her misty eyes found a well-dressed man with broad shoulders smiling down at her. She leapt out of her seat and hugged Jeff, glad for the distraction. Wordlessly, he led her to the dance floor, where other couples had joined the bride and groom in slow dancing. She was beyond pleased that he wanted to dance with her, but was unable to focus. It was one thing to be immune to comments, but at least when she was on the sidelines she was only noticed by some. On the dance floor, everyone could see her. She was completely aware of eyes turning from Petunia and following her. She wondered if Jeff could tell that people were staring at him, and that some people at the reception were probably scared that she would kill him.

Suddenly, he broke apart from her. For a brief moment, she was afraid that he didn't think it was worth it to dance with her. As he gently led her away from the dance floor, she smiled and bit her lip. Of course he wouldn't have abandoned her on the dance floor, she thought to herself. He was a better guy than that. Together, they walked past all of the eyes and whispers and out onto a little terrace away from the people gawking at her. The terrace was lighted from above, and plants hung down from the ceiling. The music had faded a little after they exited the main room, but the notes still floated out onto the terrace. Jeff turned and smiled at her, his eyes lit up by the tiny lights twinkling above them.

"Thank you for saving me in there." She said, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Did you see everyone else staring?"

"I mean, yeah. It was kind of hard to ignore. It was like lasers digging into my back." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Plus, you stiffened like a board a second after we started dancing, so I knew you could tell people were staring too." He paused for a moment, then added, "Why does everyone stare at you so much?"

"Come on," Lily said immediately. "Like you didn't hear what everyone was whispering about me. What people have been saying about me for years." He smiled a little sheepishly. "Good call, coming out here. It's much better than being inside, I must say."

"I agree." He said, taking a few steps forward as he spoke. "Less people, fresh air, less eyes…" She could have sworn he looked at her lips on that last part, "But we can still hear the music." He finished, taking her back into her arms.

Her lips split into a wide grin, and the pair slowly started to sway to the slow, faint music that was still coming from inside. Her head rested on his shoulder, feeling completely content in that moment. She breathed in deeply, and the smell of laundry and cologne filled her nose. Lily's eyes closed, surprised at how quickly she went from feeling attacked to feeling completely and utterly safe. Still, in that almost perfect moment, something nagged at her.

"Why didn't you kiss me this morning when we were in my laundry room?" She asked, her head still on his shoulder. He stopped swaying, and pulled back from her.

"You know, that is the second time you've caught me completely off guard today alone? I never know what to expect from you, Lils." Jeff shook his head, chuckling a little. He looked her square in her eyes, then said, "I didn't kiss you because… Well, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to. And I didn't want you to feel obligated to have your first kiss with me. You deserve something… better, I guess. More special."

Lily made a big show of looking up at the lights and the plants lining the terrace. "More special than a beautifully-decorated terrace with soft music from a wedding?" She said, smiling sweetly at him, suddenly feeling nervous as she finished speaking. Was she ready? She was plagued with uncertainty, but as she saw him smile back at her and lean his head down to hers, she knew that there would be no better time.

His lips met hers softly, and she wondered many things all at once. She wondered if she was doing it right, what the big deal was with kissing anyway, and if her breath stunk. Then, as quickly as it began, it was over. She smiled funnily, not quite able to believe that she had just had her first kiss. He smiled down at her, and she was filled with affection for this sweet man. He went in for another kiss, and after about ten she started to realize that she actually liked kissing. It definitely took some getting used to, but after mere minutes it felt like she had been kissing her whole life.

After a while, they separated with a sense of finality. As her eyes fluttered open, she suddenly felt bashful, especially when their eyes met. That feeling was brief, as he kissed her on her nose and rested his forehead against hers.

"You're a pretty cool guy, you know that?" She said, looking up at him gratefully. Kissing was weird enough to get used to without having someone slobbering down your throat, she thought to herself. He shook his head and grabbed her hand, wordlessly walking her inside while absentmindedly rubbing her hand with his thumb. The rest of the night, she didn't know or even care if people were talking about her. She was even able to ignore the smirks from her and Jeff's mothers.

When she looked back on her sister's wedding, she remembered a bit of the ceremony, and none of the reception. All she could remember was twinkling lights, soft music, and her slightly awkward, but undeniably sweet first kiss.


	6. Goodbyes and Train Rides

Lily saw Jeff a few more times before she had to go back to school, but mostly in passing or while one of their mothers were around. They had a talk, though, about how she was going to be back at school soon enough, so they would just wait and see what happened if they were ever both back home at the same time. She was satisfied with that, even though a part of her wished that he was going to Hogwarts with her. Truthfully, though, her mind was less on Jeff now that Petunia was off on her honeymoon. Lily was just relishing the experience of being at home without her sister; it was kind of wonderful to be doted on by her parents without any icy glares or snide comments.

The morning she was set to leave for Hogwarts, her mother got up early and made her a big breakfast, and her father kept asking her if she needed anything from the store before she left. They seemed sad and very

eager to help, like they were just realizing that when she left, they wouldn't have anyone to take care for the first time in 20 or so years. Lily was going to miss them, but she was itching to get back to Hogwarts and see all of her friends and go back to classes. Even after she had convinced her dad that she could carry her own trunk out to the car, her parents lingered in the kitchen, making her a lunch for the train ride. As she hefted her trunk out of the house and to the car, she realized that it might have been too heavy for her after all. She didn't think she could actually lift it into the car, but she surprised herself and was able to get it all the way in the car.

"And to think I came over here because I thought you needed help!" Lily jumped at the voice, unaware that while she was focused on the lifting, Jeff had made his way over from across the street. "You're stronger than you look, Lils. You don't need a man in your life." He smiled and waggled his eyebrows at her.

"No, I guess I don't." She said, laughing. "I didn't think I'd see you before I left, but I guess you just couldn't stay away?" She asked, suddenly feeling bold enough to tease him back.

"No, I guess I couldn't," he said, suddenly more serious. "I really did feel like I needed to see you one more time. I mean, you're going to be at school for so long. If I didn't see you now, I wouldn't see you til Christmas." He said, reaching up and gently touching a tendril of her hair.

She blushed, hyper aware of the presence of his hand near her shoulder. "You can always just write to me, you know. Give the letters to my parents and they can send it for you. I'd like to hear from you, even if we aren't going to be a couple or whatever."

"Yeah, I would like that too." He paused for a moment, looking as if he really wanted to say more. "This is your last year there right?" He asked, looking hopeful. When she nodded, he continued, "Well, next summer we can see where we are. If you haven't found someone at your weird school, we can go out for real."

"Yeah, that sounds good." Lily almost whispered. And for the first time, she initiated a kiss. She leaned up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips firmly against his. She inhaled sharply as he suddenly pulled her closer. She was so caught up in the moment that she barely heard her parents emerging from the house, but Jeff's sudden jump away from her indicated that he did. He waved to her parents quickly and walked away, embarrassed at the gleeful look on her mother's face. He turned back around while halfway down the driveway, gave her a quick hug and whispered that he would write to her, before finally retreating into his house.

"No, Mom, please don't." Lily said upon looking at her mother's face, knowing that a whole list of questions was coming her way in a few moments. "I don't want to talk about it, and it really wasn't anything, so please don't ask me any questions, okay?" She pleaded.

Her mother threw up her hands, but her face said that her first letter to Lily at school would be filled with nothing but questions about her and Jeff. The three got into the car, and the car ride to King's Cross was almost completely silent. Lily spent most of the time staring out of the window, contemplating Jeff and the upcoming school year. In fact, she couldn't take her mind off of her future and all of the directions she could go in. She only snapped back to the real world when they walked up to Platform 9 ¾, her mother looking as if she was holding back tears. Lily looked at her meaningfully before wrapping her up in a big hug, realizing that her mother was smaller than she thought she was. She seemed so much more fragile than Lily remembered her while she was growing up. She hugged her dad, aware that he too was getting older. She regarded her parents for a moment before saying her final goodbye and running her trunk through the barrier. She quickly pushed her parents to the back of her mind, choosing to focus on maneuvering her trunk through the clumps of people chatting and laughing on the platform.

She had just gotten her trunk into the train when she heard the loud yell behind her. "LILY!" She turned and was bombarded with a hug from her best friend. Lily squeezed Emmeline, almost tearing up at being reunited. She inhaled deeply and sighed, drawing comfort from the familiarity of Emmeline's floral scent. Lily marveled at the fact that Emmeline felt more like her sister than Petunia had in years. "I missed you so much!" Emmeline yelled over the din that filled the platform.

"I missed you too!" Lily yelled back, laughing. As they hugged again, she saw four figures approaching behind Emmeline's back. The two girls split apart so Lily could greet the boys walking up to her. Sirius Black led the pack, of course. He swept her up into a bear hug, her feet lifting off the ground slightly. She laughed gleefully, and before she knew it, she was released and hugged again by Peter Pettigrew, lagging just behind Sirius as usual. "Hi, Peter," she laughed out, giving him a squeeze. Remus was next, a small smile on his face as he calmly approached her, and his hug was firm and short. Standing a foot or two behind the rest of his friends was James Potter, his face sheepish and his hands in his pockets. She was unsure if they would hug, as they had never been as close as she was with the other three. He smiled at her, and gave her a small and brief hug. Lily couldn't help but notice that he smelled good, like clean laundry and something else that must have been his own personal scent. She smiled back at him, and was going to turn to the rest of the group to catch up when the train whistled, indicating that it was time to board. The group turned and began to board the train, the boys leading the way, laughing and horsing around all the while. The two girls dawdled a little, walking arm in arm to the train.

"So exactly what did you do this summer, besides not reply to my last letter?" Emmeline asked, nudging Lily in the side, "Get yelled at by your sister and hide in your room?" She laughed at her own question, then added, "I hope that you didn't have too bad of a time without me."

"It was a pretty boring summer without you, of course. I basically did nothing but wedding nonsense all summer, except… Well, actually, something did kind of happen to me this summer…" Lily started with a huge smile on her face, feeling giddy at what she knew was going to be a great reaction from her best friend when she heard that Lily had her first kiss.

Emmeline couldn't stand the anticipation, and shook her head at Lily, her eyes wide and questioning. "Well?" She asked when Lily didn't answer right away. "What happened? Why are you smiling like that and why won't you answer me?" She searched Lily's face for a hint of what happened.

"Okay, don't freak out or get mad, but… I kinda kissed someone a few times this summer," Lily finished, feeling a little proud that she was finally catching up to Emmeline, who had her first kiss four years ago.

They were on the train now, which at this point was already moving towards Hogwarts, and were standing outside of the compartment the four boys were already sitting inside of. All four heads swiveled to stare at them when they heard Emmeline's screams of excitement from where she was standing on the other side of the door. They all shot puzzled looks at the two girls, especially Emmeline, who was jumping and hitting Lily on the arm.

"Are you kidding me?" Emmeline almost shrieked, "You kissed someone? More than once? Who was it, where was it, how did it happen, how was it?" She asked, looking as though she might never take another breath again. "Why didn't you tell me?" She suddenly stopped jumping to look at her best friend with a confused and slightly offended expression.

"It just happened, I swear. It was at Petunia's wedding, and I was so busy afterwards that I didn't even have time to write to you about it." At Emmeline's incredulous look, she continued quickly, "It was my neighbor that I had that big crush on growing up, do you remember?"

"Oh yeah! Oh god what was his name… Joshua? George? No, no it was… Jeff, right?" Emmeline was on a roll, talking a mile a minute but suddenly remembering that she needed to shut up if she was going to get all of the details from Lily.

"Yes, Jeff." Lily said, smiling but still a little embarrassed as she said his name, like he was a secret that she wasn't supposed to tell. "Like I said, it was at Petunia's wedding. It was on this little terrace, and we had been dancing a little and there were lights…" She trailed off, lost in the memory for a brief moment. "We had reconnected because our moms are friends, and their family was over a lot to help with all of the wedding stuff. And… it was nice, actually. I really liked kissing after a little while," Lily said, reveling in being able to be the one with all of the steamy details for once.

"So?" She asked, and when Lily just looked at her with a puzzled expression, she added, "Are you going to keep seeing him? Is he your boyfriend or something? What's the long-term?"

"No, no, no. He's just a friend still. We both kind of agreed that it didn't make sense to start something when I'm going to be away most of the time. I mean, we haven't even consistently talked or hung out for a few years. So we just decided that we're gonna check in with each other next summer to see if there's any chance we could be together for real. But for now we are just friends." Lily concluded, feeling better than she thought she would that her first kiss wasn't within a serious relationship. In fact, she felt pretty at peace with her and Jeff's decision.

"Wow, okay." Emmeline let out a breath, and then grinned at Lily. "I am so proud of you, although I must say that I feel a little responsible for your corruption."

Lily laughed, and the door to the compartment slid open, startling the two girls. James' head popped out into the hallway, shaking his mussed black hair out of his eyes. "Sorry, ladies, but Sirius has not stopped poking me to figure out what you guys are saying for the last five minutes, and I can't take much more of it- Merlin's sake, Sirius, stop poking me! Will you please come in?" He posed the last question to Lily specifically, his hazel eyes looking right into hers; her breath hitched, although she wasn't sure why. She brushed it off, and shot a small smile at him before proceeding into the compartment with Emmeline.

As they sunk into the two open seats left, Peter and Sirius stared at Lily; Peter's face merely looked confused, while Sirius look ecstatic at the prospect of finding out what the two girls had discussed in the hallway. Remus was busy reading one of his textbooks, already familiarizing himself with the material they were going to be covering when term resumed. Lily glanced over at James, and she was surprised to find him staring back at her. He nodded at her and smiled, leaving her confused. Why was he looking at her so much? Ever since he stopped asking her out a little while back, the two had rarely spoken, and it was mostly about school. She looked around the compartment one last time, and she caught Sirius' twinkling eye. As she shook her head at him, he waggled his eyebrows at her, and she knew that he wouldn't rest until he got all of the information that Lily shared with Emmeline. She sighed and looked out the window, hoping to avoid the inevitable swarm of questions.

However, just as Lily had predicted, Sirius asked about twenty times during the train ride what on earth Lily and Emmeline had been discussing, and why had Emmeline freaked out, and was it about a boy, and was it about her sister, and every other possible question that he could to try to trick them into revealing the information he desperately wanted.

"Give it up, mophead," Lily laughed, poking fun at the fact that he had grown out his hair since she had last seen him. In fact, that wasn't the first zinger she had thrown at him, and she was pretty proud of herself for it. "I'm not going to tell you. There are some things that a girl needs to just share with her girl friends, not with her guy friends. So just drop it!" She exclaimed the last part, seeing that he was going to start yet another round of interrogation.

He flopped back onto his seat, silent, but looking as though he was only trying to come up with another scheme to find out what they had been talking about. James, who sat beside him, shook his head and withdrew a letter from his robe. Lily recognized it immediately, as it was identical to the one she had gotten at the beginning of the summer that informed her that she had been awarded the honor of Head Girl.

"James, are you...Head Boy?" she asked slowly, trying not to sound too confused, as she didn't want Emmeline to call her out for being mean.

He nodded his head. "Sorry, I thought Emmeline had told you already or else I would have said something earlier. I just thought you and I should meet for a bit and discuss what we are going to say at the prefect meeting, since it's going to be starting soon."

"Oh… that's a good idea, James." She said slowly, and began to gather up her things so they make their way to the prefect compartment and still have time to discuss what they were going to say in their meeting. She shook her head as she did so, still not believing that James was Head Boy, and that he was even being more responsible than she was. She had nearly forgotten about the introductory prefect meeting where she and James would be responsible for outlining to the new prefects their expected duties and other guidelines.

As she and James exited the compartment, they turned to bid their farewells to their friends, who they might not see until the feast later that night. Before they left, Sirius warned Jeff not to let Lily be too "red" to him.

"Now what on earth does that mean, Sirius?" Lily said, turning to James to see if he had any idea, but his raised eyebrows showed that he was just as confused as she was. Sirius, on the other hand, looked bored that she hadn't known immediately what he meant by that.

"It means, of course," he started, sounding like he was being forced to explain the simplest fact, "to not let you be too… Well, red! You know, fiery, sassy, wild? Like the very red mane that is piled on top of your head?"

Lily let out a sharp laugh, shaking her head at Sirius. "Me, wild? Fiery? I think you have the wrong girl, my friend." She looked at James to see if he again shared her sentiment, but he had a peculiar look on his face and was staring right at her. She quickly looked away, suddenly anxious.

"Well actually Lily," Emmeline started, laughing and seemingly oblivious to the awkward moment James and Lily had just shared, "You are especially fiery, sassy AND wild today, just saying." She shot Lily a quick wink.

"See, even your best friend agrees! You are more red than you even know, Lils." Sirius sat up straight, looking suddenly victorious and solemn at the same time. "So, James, I'm just telling you to not let her be too red to you like she was to me, okay?"

Lily laughed, thinking that they were somehow making fun of her or something. She turned to exit into the corridor, shaking her head, bemused at the perceived antics of her friends. James, however, had turned back to the door to poke his head in, saying, "Don't worry, Sirius. She's never been red with me anyway, so I doubt I'll have to worry about it today."

He gave Lily a small smile and walked past her down the corridor, leaving her less amused and more confused. What on earth was going on this year? She started down the corridor after him, feeling less like herself than she ever had.


	7. Early Mornings and the Start of Classes

Lily had, in all of the excitement of getting her first kiss and being badgered by Sirius and confused by the sudden increase in James' responsibility, nearly forgotten how much she loved school. Unpacking her trunk after the feast, she breathed in the smell of her new parchment and was immediately comforted by the knowledge that even though she felt a little off, she was still the same old Lily when it came to school. Immersing herself in knowledge was like coming home. She sighed happily and smiled, excited to get her room set up just so; with this being her seventh year at Hogwarts, she knew exactly how she liked all of her things arranged.

She was further comforted by the sounds of Emmeline laughing at something Alice had said, with Marlene chuckling in the corner, but her eyes still firmly scanning the pages of her book. It was a little surreal that it was her last year here. Hogwarts had opened her eyes to so many things, and had helped her find her own little place in the world.

She was so comfortable, and she knew she'd feel even brighter once classes resumed. She loved being busy, having purpose. There was nothing like coming back to structure after a long summer away, and she was going to enjoy every single second of her last year at Hogwarts. Looking around at all of her belongings, she more content and at home than she had the entire summer at the house she had grown up in. The only time she had felt even close to this level of contentedness at home was holding hands with Jeff underneath the lights at Petunia's wedding. With thoughts of Jeff rapidly coming into her mind, she sat down on her bed with a small huff. Marlene and Alice both shot her a mildly confused look, but Emmeline looked suspicious.

"What was that all about?" Emmeline asked, eyes narrowed in a way that was not unkind.

"Nothing, nothing." Lily said, some part of her still wanting to keep the memories of the two of them sitting in the laundry room and dancing on that terrace to herself. Looking around at the unsatisfied looks on all of her friends' faces, however, she suddenly itched to tell them her juicy secret, feeling a sort of special excitement that she for once was the one with something noteworthy to tell. Usually they gossiped about Emmeline's dating life, or Alice and Frank's relationship, or who Marlene might be harboring a secret crush on. Or even more likely, they'd be talking about who Sirius or James had been seeing or screwing recently.

"Well, actually…" Lily started, trying to hide a growing smile. She and Emmeline shared a knowing look before she continued on. "There is actually something that's been on my mind that I probably should tell you guys about."

"Well come on Lily, don't leave us in suspense!" Alice's eyes were wide, unsure of what the nature of the news was. Marlene had even set down her book to give her full attention to Lily.

"So, I kind of… kissed someone this summer." All at once, the room erupted into squeals and demands for more details. The girls piled into Lily's bed, discussing every aspect of the kiss, and the events leading up to the kiss and following the kiss, and how she felt about everything. Sirius would have died to be a fly on that wall and known what Lily's big secret was. Finally, they had gone over every detail and Lily felt even better about how she and Jeff had left things once the decision had been reaffirmed by all three of her closest friends.

They all gave her a big hug and Emmeline shook her head at her with a huge grin on her face, seeming proud for corrupting her best friend. Lily climbed into bed, thinking about Jeff and school. Eventually, just before she fell asleep, her mind started to wander to other things, like what her sister was doing right that second, and would she maybe connect with a guy in the Wizarding World the way she had connected with Jeff, and would she be a good Head Girl? And inexplicably, in the seconds before she fell asleep, her thoughts turned to James and how responsible and mature he had seemed on the train ride. That seemed to her like a different person than the James she always had in her mind; the one with a different girl on his arm every time she saw him seemed very far away from the James she saw earlier. Her last thought before the blackness of sleep was of the strange look in his eyes that he had on the train when he said that she never was red around him, and why had it given her a knot in her stomach?

Lily woke up on the first day of classes with an energized jolt. She almost skipped to the bathroom, which was empty; even the girls who did a full beauty regimen wouldn't be in the facilities for a solid twenty minutes, but those girls didn't have the responsibilities that this Head Girl did. She had to be ready to impress very early, and help the prefects and younger students as needed, as well as scouring for any potential problem behavior. She strolled back into the room, waking up Marlene and Alice along the way. Emmeline was notoriously late, which suited her, as she was also notoriously cranky when woken up too early; Lily sometimes wouldn't even see her until later in the school day, as she was usually out the door before Emmeline's eyes began to flutter.

"You're very chipper this morning, Lily" yawned Alice, who was pulling off her pajamas. She wasn't wrong; Lily had been ready for a few minutes, but was still bouncing around the room, making sure everything was in place.

"Sorry, I know I must be annoying and you're both just waking up." Lily was talking at a mile a minute, pausing only to inhale again before spitting out that she would see them all later and all but running out the door. Marlene and Alice shook their heads at each other with a smile on their faces, as Lily's morning energy was somewhat infectious.

Lily bounded down the stairs and into the common room, where she was not surprised to find Remus stretching a little as he walked out of the common room into the corridor. "Hey!" She called out after him, excited to have someone to walk down to breakfast with.

"Good morning, Lils!" He said with a smile on his face. The pair ducked out of the portrait hole, talking about what they were expecting from the school year. It was nice for Lily to be with someone who was also a morning person; usually she was alone or with someone grumpy in the morning, and she was pretty sure Remus didn't have a ton of early-bird friends either.

As they entered the Great Hall, Lily's face lit up with a small but content smile. As much as she had liked being doted on by her parents that summer, there was something amazing about having practically unlimited options for her meals. The pair sat side by side at the table, which was empty except for them. In fact, only a handful of students were sitting in the entire Great Hall, making it unusually peaceful.

"I think I'll get up this early more," Lily said as she brought some eggs to her mouth, "It's worth the less sleep to have such a peaceful breakfast. Give it another half hour and everyone will be loud and yelling about how their summers were and how the food is. Complete headache, if you ask me." She finished, shaking her head.

Remus chuckled softly. "Not to mention that you avoid Sirius entirely. There is no way he'd ever wake up this early, let alone be here eating this early. And I know you're getting annoyed with him asking about whatever secret you don't want him to know."

"It's not even that big of a deal!" Lily exclaimed, realizing she was more annoyed than she thought she was. "I just didn't want to talk about it with everyone. And now it's been built up to be this big secret, which it just isn't. Once Sirius finds out, he's going to make a big deal out of it and embarrass me. I just…." Lily paused, realizing that she should just let it out, as it was going to be exposed at some point anyway. "I just had my first kiss, that's all. Everyone else has done way more than that anyway." She finished quickly, feeling somehow both embarrassed that she was so innocent and yet in another way, promiscuous for having chipped her good-girl image.

"Don't worry about it, Lily. Even if Sirius does make it into a big deal, it'll be over with quickly. Something more exciting will happen soon enough, and your kiss will be old news." Remus smiled at her comfortingly, and Lily released a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

She went back to her breakfast reassured, and was surprised when she looked up to find James sliding in across from her and Remus. She hadn't known James to be a morning person, thinking that he usually would be up with Sirius at the very end of breakfast. He shot her an easy smile and began dishing up, all the while chatting with Remus. She pushed away the fear that he may have heard what she had told Remus, telling herself that it wasn't that big of a deal. When she voiced her surprise at seeing him so early, his smile turned to a look of slight confusion.

"Of course I'm up this early." James started, pouring himself a glass of juice, "I was trying to get up a little earlier so we could be really ready for our meeting later, but my bed was too warm to get up any earlier." He smiled, and Lily pushed away a flash of what he looked like in bed.

"Of course, of course." Lily replied, feeling embarrassed that she had, again, underestimated him and his responsibility. He really wasn't the irresponsible joker he once had been. They said their goodbyes to Remus and made their way to the room they were using for their meeting with the prefects, discussing their agenda all the way. As he addressed the room of prefects, she examined him. Aside from his unruly hair, he really looked like a leader. His low voice commanded the room to attention, his tall form full of confidence. As she reached his eyes, though, she found them to be kind as he locked eyes with all of the prefects, especially the new ones who looked nervous. His eyes turned to her, giving her a small smile as they switched places so she could speak at the front of the room.

They concluded the meeting, and Lily felt excited to be starting the year off on such a positive note. She and James, as they packed up, realized they had their first class together and set off walking to Potions at a quick pace, as the meeting had run a little quickly and neither wanted to be late on their first day. When they arrived, Professor Slughorn had just stood up to lecture, but greeted them with large smiles as they sat at the open table in the back. Emmeline turned around a few rows up and locked eyes with Lily, pouting slightly. Lily looked back at her best friend confused until she realized that because she was late, they weren't going to get to be partners this year. At least Emmeline got paired with Sirius, Lily thought to herself, and not someone she hated. She turned to James, realizing that would mean the two of them would be partners; she smiled at him weakly, kicking herself for not getting to class earlier.

"Sorry you don't get to work with Emmeline," James said apologetically, "She didn't look too happy up there." Lily laughed softly at her friend's dramatic behavior. "At least we get to work together, though." James continued, "I think we actually make a pretty good team."

"Yeah, I think so too." Lily agreed before she could really think about it. As they set out to work on the assignment Professor Slughorn had assigned to them, she became lost in thought. Were they a good team? Their meeting this morning had gone off beautifully, and they had settled into an easy rhythm as they began preparing their potion. She snuck a look at him as he added an eye of newt into the cauldron, his face concentrated. Maybe they were a good team, she thought to herself. Maybe.


	8. Shocking Discoveries and Friends?

Lily sat in the common room a few weeks later, her papers spread across her lap as she worked on her homework. She stretched, feeling the soreness in her body that came from sitting and working for the better part of her Saturday morning. Despite being more busy than she ever had been, she felt almost happy that she was in her familiar school pattern. Normally she would be in the library on Saturday mornings, but had been excited when she had seen the empty common room earlier and had settled down there instead. She had hoped James would be around at some point as well, and that they would be able to talk about their next prefects meeting, and put the finishing touches on a Potions assignment.

She finished stretching and tried to buckle down on her Charms essay. If you just get it done, you can enjoy the rest of the weekend in peace, she reasoned with herself. As she started to work, though, she heard the unmistakable sound of Emmeline's laughter and the loud way her friend came down the stairs. Looking up at the sound, she was surprised to see her friend coming down from the boy's stairwell and not the girl's; she had thought her friend may even had still been asleep upstairs. At the sight of Lily, however, her friend stopped dead in her tracks, her laughter replaced with a look of anxiety.

"Hey, Em," Lily said, pushing through the confusing and awkward expression on her friend's face. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing, um, just working on something with Sirius." Emmeline stammered, her pale face tinged with pink as she talked. She pushed a brown tendril of hair behind her ear, a telltale sign of her nervousness.

"I'm surprised you two have even started on that Potions assignment," Lily smiled at her friend, "You and Sirius aren't exactly known for being on time."

Emmeline's response was cut off by another figure bounding down the stairs after her. "M'lady, you have forgotten something of grave importance," Sirius yelled down as he made his way down the stairs, stopping as suddenly as Emmeline had. His eyes nervously darted towards Emmeline before finally locking with Lily, a sheepish expression on his face.

Lily was opening her mouth to ask what on earth was wrong with them when she zeroed in on what Sirius was holding in his hand- the item of "grave importance" that Emmeline had forgotten was, in fact, a pair of red and lacy underwear. The pink tinge on Emmeline's cheeks darkened to be the color of the underwear Sirius was holding in his hands, and she quickly snatched the incriminating garment from him. The pair stared wide-eyed at Lily, waiting for her to speak. Lily's mouth had dropped open as she looked back and forth between them. She finally just groaned in mild disgust before quickly gathering up her schoolwork and nodding to Emmeline, indicating that she better get her ass upstairs and explain what exactly was going on. Sirius suddenly became very interested in a tapestry on the wall as the two girls headed upstairs, before turning and running up the stairs to his own dormitory, terrified of being interrogated by Lily anytime soon.

As soon as the door of their bedroom closed shut behind them, Lily turned on Emmeline, shaking her head and looking at her best friend incredulously. "What… what?" Lily asked, her confusion making her unable to form a coherent question. "Please just tell me what your underwear was doing in his hands, Em. I am so confused."

"Well, we have been together a lot recently, what with doing our Potions homework together… and you know how lonely I've been ever since Chad and I broke up. I just needed some… unwinding, I guess. I swear I was going to tell you, Lily, I just didn't know how to bring it up." Emmeline said, wringing her hands as she finished.

"How long has this been going on?" Lily asked, finally shaking herself out of the initial shock. "Are you guys actually… having sex?"

"It's been about a week or so," Emmeline admitted, looking a little ashamed. "And yes, we are having sex. We were up in his dorm last Friday night and everyone else was hanging out in the common room and one thing led to another… So yeah, we've been having sex." She finished awkwardly, sure Lily was going to yell at her.

"Okay… Well I wish you had told me sooner," Lily started, unsure of the protocol in these situations. She was a little confused as to why Emmeline had kept it from her in the first place, and hurt that she hadn't told her. On the other hand, her fascination was stronger than her negative feelings, so forgiveness was the only option. "But I guess I can see why you'd want to keep it to yourself, also." Emmeline let out a sigh of relief. "But… how was it?" Lily asked, not wanting to seem too excited. When Emmeline talked about having sex with Chad, her ex-boyfriend who lived in her hometown, it had seemed so far away from Lily that she hadn't cared too much about it. But this? Two people she interacted with on a regular basis had been having sex for a week? Lily was intrigued.

"It was…" A huge smile broke out on Emmeline's face. "Amazing. He is so fun and so energetic, for lack of a better word. The rumors about him are pretty true- he's an amazing lay." Emmeline said, unable to keep the smile off of her face for long.

Lily smiled, finding her friend's smile to be infectious. "Well good, you two are actually kind of a cute pair, and he obviously makes you very… happy, to say the least."

"Yeah, it's too bad he's not boyfriend material," Emmeline said, sitting on her bed and examining her fingernails. "He's fun and all, but definitely not the type of guy I'd want to take home to my parents or anything. Not that I'm even ready to be in a relationship again, at least not a serious one." Emmeline chuckled and looked up at Lily. "What a name he has. Every time I go to say 'serious' now, I laugh because I imagine it with his name. A Sirius relationship." She shook her head and went back to looking at her nails.

Lily walked over and sat next to Emmeline on the bed. "Why would you have sex with him if you don't even want him to be your boyfriend?" Lily asked, then quickly added, "Not that I'm judging you or anything, Em. I just don't get why you'd want to have sex with him if you're not going to be together."

Emmeline sighed. "I hate to say it this way, Lils, but it might be hard for you to understand since you're still a virgin. I know you hate hearing that, but it's just so hard to go without sex once you've had it, and there's no better way to relax. Plus, it's just nice to feel wanted again. Getting dumped like I did makes you feel pretty unattractive, but this… thing, whatever it is, is making me feel better than I have in months." She shrugged, getting off the bed. "Do you want to come with me to lunch?"

Lily nodded, promising she'd be there in a minute. She sat on Emmeline's bed, unable to believe that her friend was just having casual sex with Sirius Black of all people. She shook her head and went down the stairs, running into James at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey, Lily." He said, giving her a genuine smile as she walked up to him. "Were you heading to lunch now?" She nodded and he offered to walk her down to the Great Hall. "Would you mind finalizing our Potions assignment as we eat?" He asked as they made their way to the Great Hall, getting caught behind a group of fifth years climbing out of the portrait hole at a snail's pace. "I wanted to finish it so I could enjoy the rest of my weekend and relax for once."

"Me too, " Lily agreed, "That was exactly what I was thinking earlier. It hasn't been relaxing few weeks, that's for sure." She laughed as she finished her thought, thinking of how much work she had already put in to all of her classes. "Not relaxing at all."

He chuckled back at her, and they fell into an easy conversation as they walked to the tables. Lily found Emmeline sitting at their usual spot at the table, and was only slightly surprised to see Sirius sitting next to her. A thought occurred to Lily, and she turned to James.

"Did you know about the two of them?" Lily asked, curious as to whether the stereotype of boys talking up their sexual conquests had any truth in reality.

"I did, yeah." Lily grimaced, imagining James and Sirius talking about whatever new girl they had just seduced. "I had the most unfortunate experience of walking in on them the other night, which was probably the worst way anyone could have found out." James shuddered. "Not the way I ever wanted to imagine either of them."

Lily let out a mixture of a laugh and a groan. "And here I thought that him delivering her underwear back to her was bad." She said, suddenly filled with unwanted mental images of what James had seen when he walked in on them.

He shot her a radiant smile before leaning in and saying, "Count yourself lucky, Evans," and joining their group of friends at the table. She sat down next to him, pulling out their Potions assignment from her bag. She smiled as she looked at him, not understanding why she was so happy that he seemed to be constantly proving her wrong. He was always responsible, and now she finds out that he and Sirius don't discuss sexual conquests like she thought they must have.

Sirius looked up at her as she scooped food onto her plate. "Hey Lils," he said with an odd look on his face, "How's it going?"

"It's going pretty good actually, thank you for asking." Lily answered, her face serene. "Though I'm sure I'm not doing as good as you two were an hour ago," she added on, never breaking the calm mask she had placed on her face.

Emmeline nearly spit out her water, and Sirius dropped his jaw, as it always shocked him when Lily sassed him. James, on the other hand, could not help but laugh. "That's what you two get. I had to scrub my eyes out, but the image of your white butt is something I never want to see again," James said, directing the last part at Sirius as he wiped tears of laughter out of his eyes. Lily groaned at that mental image, but couldn't help but join in on the laughing with James.

Sirius shook his head at the two of them. "I know I've always wanted you guys to be friends, but I take it back now. I should have known you two would team up against me."

James and Lily looked at each other. James turned back to Sirius, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah… we are friends." James looked at Lily for confirmation, and she gave him the smallest of nods with a smile on her face as well. "So you can look forward to getting ragged on from both of us at the same time, buddy." James shot Sirius a mischievous look.

Lily laughed before agreeing with James, the two of them teasing Sirius for the rest of lunch in between working on their Potions assignment. After they finished, and James got up to leave the Great Hall, Lily watched his retreating figure and smiled. Friends with James Potter? She never would have thought that she would be happy to have him as a friend, but she was. He made her laugh, and it was even nice to see him look a little silly earlier after spending so much time with him in serious settings. She could get used to being his friend, she thought as she gathered up her papers and set out to the library with Emmeline.


End file.
